This article was originally going to be titled something like ‘Open letter to men over 50 who use Meetic’. After spending a month in the famous platform to carry out a series of investigations that crystallized in my article Hooking up with an uneducated person. We have tried it, this is the experience,I unsubscribed, fed up is an understatement. And not just of the spelling mistakes (the least important thing, in fact). But of all those other ‘little details’ that men overlook when they decide to explore the long and winding road of the digital love.

Because, let’s see: do you really think you’re going to? seduce to many women using as nickname ‘Fucker’, my friend? Or that by using one of your First Communion as a profile photo you are going to fool someone? Not to mention all those blurry, crooked photos, those where you were obviously drunk, those where you hadn’t even combed your hair, those that show your muscles in front of the mirror emulating Magic Mike or those last ones where you pose at home, with the bed unmade behind you and dirty clothes piling up in a corner… Given what we’ve seen: who can be surprised that in Spain, according to data from the INE, Singles over 50 represent the 36% of the population (52% men and 48% women), a total of 14.4 million people? After a good bath in reality at Meetic, no, of course not.

God protect us from the ‘no pass’

And that’s not even mentioning the worst part, the large tribe of the ‘no pass’. People who are not willing to pay the almost 30 euros per month that a halfway decent Meetic account costs and expect you to call them by phone without paying the prior written flirtation (which, obviously, is a filter Highly recommended for detect danger signs before putting your feet in the mud).

Those Antonio, Pepe, Javier, Andrs… Without Pase, they do not realize the image so tacky What do they project? In my First day at Meetic I start chatting with a guy and after five minutes he says, “Here’s my phone, my pass is up today.” My instant conclusion is: Are you so interested in me that you won’t even pay for a week’s pass to keep getting to know me? Bye.

So, I went to have lunch with a friend, I told her that I was going to unsubscribe from Meetic because everything I found there was absolutely depressing, and she recommended that I sign up for Bumble, What is the fashion dating platform (unless you are a millionaire and can access Stripe, The most exclusive; either you have a yacht and a mansion and they recommend you, or you don’t get in). “And besides,” he convinces me, “even the interface is cute.”

The story of their experiences in this network where the women are the ones that They always take the first step (no one can write to you if you don’t do it first), convinces me: “There have been tricks, like everywhere, but I have also known “great people.” In fact, he is about to embark on his second international trip to meet his last match, a passionate, interesting and handsome Frenchman – I can attest – with whom she met in Rome.

Of course I’m signing up for Bumble.

Nothing in life is free, and not on Bumble either

As in Meetic, here you have to pay if you want to get somewhere (they say it’s free, “and always will be”, but for zero euros you can barely do anything more than watch life go by). To test it out, I hire the Premium version for a week, for about 17 euros. In exchange they give me likes unlimited, discover who liked me, rematches unlimited vote changes, advanced filters, incognito mode… A lot of things that I don’t understand at all, of course (at this point I still don’t understand what the hell the

First impression at pass the ‘stickers’ of gentlemen on Bumble: users put more love in portraits that are made and published than those on Meetic. Good sign. The choice of photo says more about a person than even the information contained in the photo itself. Blurry photo: careless person, with a clear lack of empathy and very few seduction skills. Photo of a man doing the clown standing on a statue in the middle of a square: a person who is not looking for a partner, but an audience. Photo of a man riding his megabike: Insecure man who believes he needs an accessory to be attractive to women. And so…

I agree with my friend: Bumble It’s quite a lot friendlyand that is appreciated in these matters. deployment of information to create the profile is very extensive. If you want to make it extensive, of course. You can even put your account in there. Instagram (nooooo) and your account of Spotify (not even dead). It squeezes you so much that you can even choose between the causes that move you the most and you defend. There is something else cute that a man among whose causes is the feminism!? Well here on Bumble there are many (impossible to know if it’s a seduction strategy or not, but girl, what a pleasure).

As a rule, I distrust of men whose profile is reduced to four sober statements about themselves: religion, children, political orientation, smokes, drinks… Boy: Yes you don’t take the trouble of spending even 15 minutes creating your profile… Vers: it’s about attract the other person, What can we expect from you, my son, if you don’t try hard the least? Real example as real life itself: profile of a 52 year old male: catholic, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, no children, languages: Spanish. Seriously: do you think that with that information and a photo I can make some kind of decision about whether I like you or not? I can only think that you are a failure when it comes to relationships. Discarded.

When you like, there is no stopping

The mechanics of the platform It’s simple. When you do it like to a profile you like, you can write to him. Or wait to see if he likes you back, of course (my case. I can’t stand disdain and snubbing: on Meetic they did a ghosting and I felt terrible, being so cute). In that case (that he likes you too), his face will appear in the chat section and you can start a conversation. Very important: you have to start the conversation and you only have 24 hours to do it, otherwise the match will disappear from the section, as if sucked into a black hole. This is great for managing regrets. Sometimes you arrive with an enthusiasm that you don’t even know where it comes from, you start to give likes Because you liked that he plays the violin or likes sailing or is a gynecologist, and after a while, or hours, you regret it. Well, here you simply let time pass and goodbye. Cleanly. Without hard feelings.

If you’re having trouble getting started and don’t know what to say, Bumble offers a system called Opening Moves, with questions designed to break the ice. But I don’t know, I don’t fit in asking anyone: “If you were a food, what would you be and why?”, as the system suggests, or “Something you hope will happen?” I’d rather make something up myself.

The thing is, I still haven’t fully understood how Bumble’s tools work (what are the SuperSwipe?) And I already surprise myself chatting with a Italian very attractive who will be passing through Barcelona soon. He is a Sagittarius, plays a lot of sport, has postgraduate studies, drinks sometimes, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t want babies and is an atheist like me. He likes them art, concerts, walks in the countryside and He is fluent in three languages. Pintn. We agreed to meet in Barcelona in a few weeks. If I can still stay on Bumble, maybe this date will become a reality.

What a dog has joined, a sarcasm separates

I’m still digesting the above when Sebastian appears. He has the same dog as me, and that’s always a plus. It is described like science and sarcastic. Since we started, he doesn’t stop making jokes. And I come to say “hahaha”. A date is brewing, but when he tells me that the type of Rhythm & Blues he likes is surely different from the one I like, without knowing me at all, It makes me feel terrible, you know. I think he’s a person who is constantly challenging himself to be witty in every sentence and show you his superiority. It makes me feel stressful (written humor is complicated, as I know very well). Abandonment.

I finally started one conversation with Pablo. I appreciate finding out from the photos that he has uploaded to his profile that he has a little bit left belly (not because I like bellies, noooo, but because I prefer to know from photos than to come face to face with them in reality), which is undoubtedly due to his (documented) beer consumption. great hair and it is expresses wonderfully, And there’s nothing sexier for me than a perfect command of the language, especially if it’s accompanied by good hair. But after a few exchanges of basic information and the excitement of the novelty, it seems as if we’ve both deflated and left the chat there, suspended in the ether. “So much morbidness might kill us,” I think ironically and dejectedly. And there it remains.

Ah, here we go, to meet up, and I get pile up the likes in the corresponding section. In the end, the thumb (if you move the photo to the left it means delete, to the right it means you like it) moves over the photos of possible candidates with incredible speed. Until I’m wrong of sense (I actually wanted to go back, but reverse doesn’t work here) and I give him a megalike to a 63-year-old man described as early retired, homemaker, catholic and who poses with a huge moustache hugging a Scottish bagpiper. Maybe we are made for each other, but I think I’ll pass on finding out. In the end, no matter how much Bumble they put in front of you, getting to know another person is a huge job. And, oh, hey, I’m so lazy…