Psychologist Anna Bolgova said that often seemingly insignificant details lead to the destruction of relationships: misunderstanding of the partner’s motives, understatement and even ordinary inattention. Stress and resentment accumulate like a snowball, and this often leads to conflicts and breakups. To avoid such situations, it is useful to use simple psychological techniques.

“Often the devil is in the details, and we don’t realize how important they are. However, restoring mutual understanding is quite simple if you know the key psychological tricks that you can use in communicating with your partner,” says Bolgova.

Don’t give a negative color to your partner’s motives

The psychologist notes the most important technique, in her opinion, is “not to assume that a person is doing something bad for you or your family.” Anna explains that we often unreasonably interpret our partners’ motives in a negative way, believing that they are doing certain things to offend or intentionally cause harm.

“It is important to remember that your partner most likely acts from good intentions, even if his actions seem stupid. You should start from positive intentions: the person did this for your benefit. And it is important not to distort the reasons for his concern,” says the specialist.

Anna gives examples. If a woman prepares food, she does so to feed her partner, not to control his diet. When one person hugs another, it is out of love, and not out of purely formal necessity. If a husband cleans up scattered things around the house, he is probably trying to create a cozy home, and not to highlight his wife’s clutter.

Filter unnecessary

The second method is to avoid engaging in topics that are not related to the main issue.

“We often react to the form of a statement, fixating on the words instead of focusing on the essence of the issue. For example, if you have a conflict for some specific reason, do not suddenly start remembering: ‘And you are this, and you are that.’ This distracts from the original plan of the conversation,” explains the expert.

Anna advises filtering any unnecessary negativity that interferes with the resolution of the main problem. It is worth discussing only ways to solve a specific issue, limiting ourselves to this. If you notice that you are starting to remember old grievances of each other, it is important to stop and remind: “Let’s get back to the essence of the issue, how can we solve this? We resolve this conflict, and do not aggravate it and do not drag in all our past grievances,” the psychologist emphasizes.

Initiate actions

The third method is to maintain a good relationship or restore a damaged one, try to do nice things for your loved one. An important condition is initiative on your part.

“If you have the opportunity to do something nice for your partner, don’t be shy. Often as couples we think, ‘I’ll do something after he or she makes the first move.’ But why not you start “Buy flowers for your wife or help your husband with shirts. Think about how you can please your significant other. Put something in your pocket or purse – it could be a chocolate bar or candy,” recommends Anna Bolgova.

The psychologist reminds that actions do not always have to be accompanied by specific deeds; Often words are enough. Walking up, hugging and telling them that you appreciate and love the person is not difficult, but it is very useful for strengthening the relationship. If everyone in a couple takes the initiative rather than waiting for their partner to make the first move, the likelihood of conflicts is significantly reduced, reports Komsomolskaya Pravda – Tomsk.